I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
