my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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