She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
