How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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