She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
