I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
