I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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