just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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