fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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