So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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