take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
