I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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