i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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