I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
