Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
