i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
