I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
