i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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