I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
