your thong is hanging out like whoa
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
