do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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