Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
