She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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