my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
