OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
