it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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