I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
