I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
