good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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