Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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