i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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