He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
