I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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