On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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