your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
