if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
