So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
