i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
