Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
