If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
