I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I died a long time ago.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
