Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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