Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
