i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
