I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
