I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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