guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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