she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
