God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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