and you said cock pushups were impossible
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
