I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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