is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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