you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
