One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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