Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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