corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ate ashes out of my bong
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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