a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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