I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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