hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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